I'm continually surprised by profound things I find in Myth of Sisyphus after reading it many times. Camus really does speak to that wake in grief where expectation doesn't fit reality. It is pretty cathartic in ways.
"Living naturally is never easy. You continue making the gestures commanded by existence for many reasons. The first of which is habit.
Dying voluntarily implies that you have recognized, even instinctively, the ridiculous character of that habit. The absence of any profound reason for living. The insane character of the daily agitation and the uselessness of suffering.
What then, is that incalculable feeling that deprives sleep necessary to life? A world that can be explained, even with bad reasons, is a familiar world. But on other hand, a universe totally divested of illusions and lights, man feels like an alien a stranger. His exile is without remedy. Since he has been deprived of a lost home or a promised land."
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